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Trapped Between Maybe and Sometimes

By: Tondia Shotwell

Sometimes

I feel really good

Energy and life radiates from within me illuminating my smile and filling the sky with holograms of unicorns, rainbows, and iridescent butterflies

And sometimes

I just don’t want to be bothered

Everything about DAY makes me mad

Why is the sun so bright are there not enough clouds to block it

Why does this song keep playing, the wind keep blowing, why are there a thousand registers in walmart and only one cashier, and why is everything in the dollar store more than one dollar

why is there steam coming from my macchiato, and why in the FUCK is he bothering me

Oh, thank you for my keys Sir. I hadn’t noticed them laying by the register as I left the coffee shop

Coincidently, these are the days that pass the slowest

Those are the hours whose minutes forgot to call or text them informing them that they were running a bit behind because they were patiently waiting for the seconds to make amends

The one day, that no matter what I do, everything is a complete blunder

So then I get to thinking

Maybe the world is against me

Maybe me trying to fix my mistakes by throwing them away has created this humongous pile of bullshit that is blocking my progression

Maybe I should have recycled

Then maybe

Just maybe

my mistakes would have been of better use to me

Maybe it’s just a dream

Sometimes I dream with me my eyes wide shut thinking if I don’t close them

Maybe

My dreams will protrude to become my reality

Sometimes I laugh at myself for some of the dumb shit I come up with

Because maybe it’s just me

Maybe if my sometimes were less rampant , but my always visited more

I wouldn’t be so confused

And sometimes, if my maybes were instead absolutes

I could actually proceed toward progression instead of straddling stagnant

Maybe this battle between maybe and sometimes is not even a battle at all

But instead, me making a mountain out of a mole hill because I really don’t have shit else to do

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