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Time Lost

By:Tondia Shotwell.

Before there was a purpose for the rain
I loved you
Before the earths constant rotation was the reason for the season’s change
Then too, did I love you
When the shouts of germs in the body would deem one a lunatic
When the only source of light came from the timed flickerings of a waxed stick
Even then, there lived no single doubt in my mind that I loved you
But it would be that my urge to love you became the plank upon which I was forced to walk
Oh how cruel life’s jokes can be
For in effort to secure my love so great
A love so true
It appears that I waited not that these realizations were your own
And over your shoulder I stood
As your story you wrote
I became your walking spell checker
Presuming your errors before they were even made
I crossed your T’s and dotted your I’s
Nothing did I see to be wrong with this
For my love of you was sure
Thus I needed yours to be too
Though it seems that the T’s I so excitedly crossed may have been I’s
Just as the I’s that I dotted in anticipation of your commitment to me
With tiny little smiley faces
Were in fact T’s
Loving me in the way I needed you to
You felt no reason to correct me
You figured that time would adjust your tale
And the words of your story would rearrange themselves
Making the miscrossed T’s and wrongfully dotted I’s be just as they should
Just as I wanted them
But alas
Life’s reality is not as it seems
For in an effort to solidify your love
I seemed to have given birth to anger
Frustration
Resentment
That in giving me what I wanted
You lost what you needed
TIME
Time to ensure that our walk together was one whose footsteps matched rather than spreading in different directions
Time
To manifest the same urge I get to run to you each time I see you
Time
To know that though love is a sacrifice and compromise,
Ones own heart is never a part of that bargain
Now I sit confused
Knowing that the place you rest each night is not that in which you wish to be
Although my love continues to hold on
It seems to have become friends with confusion
Regret
Not that I ever loved you
But that I didn’t allow you that time to properly love me

2 thoughts on “Time Lost”

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