You Made Me Into What You Did Not Want

by: Tondia Shotwell



Here I am

Everything that you asked me to be

Demoralized, devalued, and disrespected

But this is what you wanted,


A woman with a voice you did not desire. You wanted someone that you could control. Some that would throw herself at your every beckoning call

Someone who knew their role and place in the relationship, who would make sure that what was seen was always good, while what she thought was never heard

Well here I am….in the flesh baby

Ready to do whatever, whenever, however you want it

Is this dress too long? I can make it shorter

Am I high enough for you? I can definitely increase that too. It actually helps to numb the feeling of worthlessness that I so joyfully cover up as I become your bitch

your whore

your girlfriend number 2…your side chick never to be your main sidekick

But we’ll concern ourselves with that at a later time because damn I look good holding this Michael Khors bag

And I’ve acquired so many haters since you bought me this Benz. You got it the color I wanted and put my name on the plate so that as I drive away, everyone knows that BSSBTCH was here


So yes Boo

You can have whatever you like

Ill be that trophy you display in front of your friends. The smoke emulating from the oohs and ahhhs will be so thick as to mimic a storm cloud. And so lightly will I tread through the river of “Damn baby you thick” you’ll think that I’m floating

Then home you will take me

and I will watch you drive away….to your life….with your family….that doesn’t include me

with the wife whose rank you have placed higher than mine. For while she makes you look good in business, I’ll provide you with all of the pleasure

While she bears your children, I will carry the scars of my lonely nights

while she cooks your breakfast, I will continue to give excuses to myself for why I am still alone.

I won’t shed a tear as you proclaim to your friends my ride or die pride, then proceed to volunteer me for group train rides

I won’t mutter a word as you watch everyone feel me up and tell me everything they would like to do to me, and you cosign it with your laughter

but fight the thought of anyone giving your wife the crooked eye

no not me

Because I was designed to be lusted after….not wanted

You created me to be only what you see in your fantasies, but the woman you see your forever with

Is the complete opposite of me

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